This reflection was written to be shared with the Humboldt Interfaith Fellowship on January 12, 2021, the seventh anniversary of my ordination to the priesthood in the Episcopal Church (January 11, 2014)
Yesterday (January 11th) was the seventh anniversary of my ordination to the priesthood in the Episcopal Church. I love to find hope and inspiration from the church’s calendar of saints and commemorations, and I was somewhat disappointed to learn that there is no saint commemorated on the date of my ordination (although David Bowie died on January 11th, but I don’t think the Episcopal Church is going to canonize him anytime soon, but maybe).
I do, however, like the fact that I was ordained on the Eve of a Saint’s Feast Day and that day is today: January 12th, the Feast of St. Aelred of Rievaulx, a 12th century English Cistercian abbot who wrote a classic book “On Spiritual Friendship.” And as I reflect today on my path towards ordination and my seven years of ordained ministry, I feel especially grateful for the gift of friendships. I’m grateful for my friendships with clergy and lay leaders who have helped form me as a priest over the years; and I’m grateful for the Christ Church deacons and lay leaders and for all of you. I often feel a kind of instant friendship with fellow clergy and spiritual leaders no matter what their tradition might be.
Friends often help me find a sense of balance; and the balance I’ve been trying to find recently, as a priest, is between condemning the darkness of sin and violence and investing in the light of love and community. Gandhi said that 20% of the work of peace and justice involves peacefully protesting against injustice, but 80% of the work involves constructing the new reality, building up the beloved community. I strongly condemn the sick mayhem we witnessed last week and the outrageously disgusting behavior of the president and many of his supporters and enablers. And I’ve received some flack for speaking out. And I’m reminded of the words of Martin Luther King Jr. who said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
So inspired by St. Aelred of Rievaulx and the gift of friendship (and the fact that I will be teaching an online course on English spirituality next week), I wanted to offer us some light and love by leading us in a brief spiritual practice together. I feel like this is one of the best ways to honor my seven years of priesthood, at such a time as this.
This practice is based on the Buddhist Metta meditation and the words of St. Aelred of Rievaulx on Spiritual Friendship. Metta is the Pali word for friendliness.
So I invite you to get in a position that is comfortable, close your eyes, and take a deep breath.
Now bring to mind a friend whom you love and who you know loves you. A friend who is easy to love.
Don’t over think the friend or the friendship. Keep it simple.
Bring this friend to mind. The friend can be a family member or a partner.
Bring that friend here. See the friend looking at you with love and joy.
And just enjoy your love for one another. Soak it in, breathe it in, taste it and drink it.
Relax into it. St. Aelred says, “Let the graces of each [friend] blend with the other” (95). Let your graces blend with each other
Relax into the love and the quality of the friendship.
Now offer a prayer for your friend.
You can pray whatever you want.
Or you can pray the following simple prayer (or customize it):
May you be happy.
May you be safe.
May you be at peace.
Aelred concludes his reflection on spiritual friendship saying, “Surpassing all this is prayer for each other. In remembering a friend, the more lovingly one sends forth prayer to God, with tears welling up from affection, the more effective that prayer will be.” (125-126)
Praying for your friend,
“May you be happy
May you be safe
May you be at peace.”
Now direct your prayerful attention and love to your own inner life.
Look at yourself through the eyes of the friend who loves you
Experience yourself as the one loved, as the beloved
Direct the love that you have for your friend towards yourself and your inner life
Aelred writes, “[Jesus] traced the image of true friendship for us when he said, ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’ Here is the mirror: love yourself.” (104)
Love yourself as your neighbor
Again, Aelred says, “If you do not love yourself; how can you love another? For from the likeness of the love with which you are personally dear to yourself, you… direct your love for your neighbor” (124)
And so now offer a prayer for yourself
You may even want to put your hand on your heart as you pray
“May you be happy
May you be safe
May you be at peace”
Rest in that love and good will for yourself
Now widen the circle of that love and friendship
Widen the circle to include everyone here, who is part of this meeting
You might even expand your experience of friendship and love to include everyone you know
And now pray for us all,
“May you be happy
May you be safe
May you be at peace”
Finally, with this experience of love, affection and friendship in your heart and mind, listen to these words of Aelred of Rievaulx:
“The day before yesterday as I was walking around the monastery with the brothers sitting in a most loving circle, I marveled at the leaves, blossoms, and fruits of each single tree as if I were in the fragrant bowers of paradise. Finding not one soul whom I did not love and, I was sure, not one soul by whom I was not loved, I was filled with a joy that surpassed all the delights of the world. Indeed, as I felt my spirit flowing into them all and the affection of all coursing through me, I could say with the prophet, ‘Behold how good and how pleasant it is for brothers and sister to live in unity’” (108).
May you be happy
May you be safe
May you be at peace
Amen.
Gracious God, give us open hearts and open minds. Fill us with your love. Guide us with your wisdom. Strengthen us with your joy. We ask this in the Name of the One Love that holds all things together. Amen.
DANIEL DeFOREST LONDON 